My nerves! How can I explain this state? I am giga-calm from not having any coffee for 9 days. At peace in all my relations, having acceded to a request to create a “successful” Christmas by forgiving the only grievance that I was cherishing.
Even looking out on this wide valley under the hovering pewter sky is a comfort. It recalls a depth of history: dinosaur days, indigenous peoples, conquistadors and the restless movement west. My maternal ancestors made this trip with the railroads in the 1880’s. I feel I inherited this place. It’s pueblo atmosphere recalls first memories walking towards Camelback mountain in a lower warmer desert. Yep, I feel that I belong here in some fictitious but nonetheless profound way. In the late sixty’s, I drove here in my hippy, painted Dodge station wagon bringing with me my neighbors and a white dog from Santa Cruz so that we would all avoid the “Big One.” While taking a swim in a large pool, we were shot at by Tiorino and his gang and, after that, the three neighbors and white dog retreated to California to collect food stamps. (We all lived that way back then.) I stayed behind at a commune near Taos before making my way to Colorado Springs. Living in an aimless way- much the way I do now – but with a lot more wild fancy going on.
I am even on the “right” side of the market having sold my impulse purchases out flat and reinvesting the proceeds into going short, only two days ago. But, there is something very unsettling at the rate the market plunged and the way that the health care bill has gone the way of the dodo, like, overnight. Yes, yes, I stand to make a good dollar on the upset, but, there is something deeper that seems to be roiling among us. It is that the impinges on my smooth state. As my friend John asks in derision, “How’s that hope and change working for you?” Jeez, I don’t know.